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GoodChoice BadChoice of relationship! God will punish anyone who has sex with another person's husband or wife. The reason of this is, because love cannot do otherwise than love and unite itself, in order that it may be loved in return, this being its very essence and life; and women are born loves; whereas men, with whom they unite themselves in order that they may be loved in return, are receptions. Moreover love is continually efficient; being like heat, flame, and fire, which perish if their efficiency is checked.
Hence the inclination to unite the man to herself is constant and perpetual with the wife: but a similar inclination does not operate with the man towards the wife, because the man is not love, but only a recipient of love; and as a state of reception is absent or present according to intruding cares, and to the varying presence or absence of heat in the mind, as derived from various causes, and also according to the increase and decrease of the bodily powers, which do not return regularly and at stated periods, it follows, that the inclination to conjunction is inconstant and alternate with men.
That love and consequent conjunction is inspired into the man by the wife, is at this day concealed from the men; yea, it is universally denied by them; because wives insinuate that the men alone love, and that they themselves receive; or that the men are loves, and themselves obediences: they rejoice also in heart when the men believe it to be so. The reason why men receive from their wives the inspiration or insinuation of love, is, because nothing of conjugial love, or even of the love of the sex, is with the men, but only with wives and females.
That this is the case, has been clearly shewn me in the spiritual world. I was once engaged in conversation there on this subject; and the men, in consequence of a persuasion infused from their wives, insisted that they loved and not the wives; but that the wives received love from them. In order to settle the dispute respecting this arcanum, all the females, married and unmarried, were withdrawn from the men, and at the same time the sphere of the love of the sex was removed with them. On the removal of this sphere, the men were reduced to a very unusual state, such as they had never before perceived, at which they greatly complained.
Then, while they were in this state, the females were brought to them, and the wives to the husbands; and both the wives and the other females addressed them in the tenderest and most engaging manner; but they were cold to their tenderness, and turned away, and said one to another, "What is all this?
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Thus the men were convinced, that nothing of conjugial love, or even of the love of the sex, resides with them, but only with the wives and females. Nevertheless, the wives afterwards from their prudence induced the men to believe, that love resides with the men, and that some small spark of it may pass from them into the wives. This experimental evidence is here adduced, in order that it may be known, that wives are loves and men recipients. That men are recipients according to their wisdom, especially according to this wisdom grounded in religion, that the wife only is to be loved, is evident from this consideration, that so long as the wife only is loved, the love is concentrated; and because it is also ennobled, it remains in its strength, and is fixed and permanent; and that in any other case it would be as when wheat from the granary is cast to the dogs, whereby there is scarcity at home.
The first heat of marriage does not conjoin; for it partakes of the love of the sex, which is the love of the body and thence of the spirit; and what is in the spirit, as derived from the body, does not long continue; but the love which is in the body, and is derived from the spirit, does continue. The love of the spirit, and of the body from the spirit, is insinuated into the souls and minds of married partners, together with friendship and confidence.
That wisdom with men is two-fold, rational and moral, and that their rational wisdom is of the understanding alone, and their moral wisdom is of the understanding and the life together, may be concluded and seen from mere intuition and examination. But in order that it may be known what we mean by the rational wisdom of men, and what by their moral wisdom, we will enumerate some of the specific distinctions.
To rational wisdom also appertain all the knowledge into which young men are initiated in the schools, and by which they are afterwards initiated into intelligence, which also are called by various names, as philosophy, physics, geometry, mechanics, chemistry, astronomy, jurisprudence, politics, ethics, history, and several others, by which, as by doors, an entrance is made into things rational, which are the ground of rational wisdom. But the constituents of moral wisdom with men are all the moral virtues, which have respect to life, and enter into it, and also all the spiritual virtues, which flow from love to God and love towards our neighbour, and centre in those loves.
The virtues which appertain to the moral wisdom of men are also of various kinds, and are called temperance, sobriety, probity, benevolence, friendship, modesty, sincerity, courtesy, civility, also carefulness, industry, quickness of wit, alacrity, munificence, liberality, generosity, activity, intrepidity, prudence and many others. Spiritual virtues with men are the love of religion, charity, truth, conscience, innocence, and many more. The latter virtues and also the former, may in general be referred to love and zeal for religion, for the public good, for a man's country, for his fellow-citizens, for his parents, for his married partner, and for his children.
In all these, justice and judgement have dominion; justice having relation to moral, and judgement to rational wisdom. The reason why the conjunction of the wife with the man's rational wisdom is from within, is, because this wisdom belongs to the man's understanding, and ascends into the light in which women are not and this is the reason why women do not speak from that wisdom; but, when the conversation of the men turns on subjects proper thereto, they remain silent and listen. That nevertheless such subjects have place with the wives from within, is evident from their listening thereto, and from their inwardly recollecting what had been said, and favoring those things which they had heard from their husbands.
But the reason why the conjunction of the wife with the moral wisdom of the man is from without, is, because the virtues of that wisdom for the most part are akin to similar virtues with the women, and partake of the man's intellectual will, with which the will of the wife unites and constitutes a marriage; and since the wife knows those virtues appertaining to the man more than the man himself does, it is said that the conjunction of the wife with those virtues is from without.
That wives know the affections of their husbands, and prudently moderate them, is among the arcana of conjugial love which lie concealed with wives. They know those affections by three senses, the sight, the hearing, and the touch, and moderate them while their husbands are not at all aware of it. Now as the reasons of this are among the arcana of wives, it does not become me to disclose them circumstantially; but as it is becoming for the wives themselves to do so, therefore four MEMORABLE RELATIONS are added to this chapter, in which those reasons are disclosed by the wives: two of the RELATIONS are taken from the three wives that dwelt in the hall, over which was seen falling as it were a golden shower; and two from the seven wives that were sitting in the garden of roses.
The concealing and hiding of the perception of the affections of the husband by the wives, are said to be of necessity; because if they should reveal them, they would cause a complete alienation of their husbands, both in mind and body. This Coldness, in case the wives should discover the affections and inclinations of their husbands, would burst forth from its hiding places, and communicate its cold, first to the interiors of the mind, afterwards to the breast, and thence to the ultimates of love which are appropriated to generation; and these being affected with cold, conjugial love would be banished to such a degree, that there would not remain any hope of friendship, of confidence, of the blessedness of dwelling together, and thence of the happiness of life; when nevertheless wives are continually feeding on this hope.
To make this open declaration, that they know their husbands' affections and inclinations of love, carries with it a declaration and publication of their own love: and it is well known, that so far as wives make such a declaration, so far the men grow cold and desire a separation. From these considerations the truth of this proposition is manifest, that the reasons why wives conceal their perception with themselves, and hide it from their husbands, are reasons of necessity.
Early Dominican Confessional Practice
This follows from the distinction subsisting between the male principle and the female. The male principle consists in perceiving from the understanding, and the female in perceiving from love: and the understanding perceives also those things which are above the body and are out of the world; for the rational and spiritual sight reaches to such objects; whereas love reaches no further than to what it feels; when it reaches further, it is in consequence of conjunction with the understanding of the man established from creation: for the understanding has relation to light, and love to heat; and those things which have relation to light, are seen, and those which have relation to heat, are felt.
From these considerations it is evident, that from the universal distinction subsisting between the male principle and the female, the wisdom of the wife is not communicable to the man, neither is the wisdom of the man communicable to the wife: nor, further, is the moral wisdom of the man communicable to women, so far as it partakes of his rational wisdom. This agrees with what was explained above; namely, that the inclination to unite the man to herself is constant and perpetual with the wife, but inconstant and alternate with the man; see n.
Her thoughts concerning her husband are interrupted indeed by domestic concerns; but still they remain in the affection of her love; and this affection does not separate itself from the thoughts with women, as it does with men: these things, however, I relate from hearsay; see the two MEMORABLE RELATIONS from the seven wives sitting in the rose-garden, which are annexed to some of the following chapters.
This being generally known and admitted, it is needless to explain it. That a natural sphere is continually flowing, not only from men, but also from beasts, yea from trees, fruits, flowers, and also from metals, is generally known. The case is the same in the spiritual world; but the spheres flowing from subjects in that world are spiritual, and those which emanate from spirits and angels are altogether spiritual; because there appertain thereto affections of love, and thence interior perceptions and thoughts.
This is the origin of all sympathy and antipathy, and likewise of all conjunction and disjunction, and, according thereto, of presence and absence in the spiritual world: for what is of a similar nature or concordant causes conjunction and presence, and what is of a dissimilar nature and discordant causes disjunction and absence; therefore those spheres cause distances in that world. What effects those spiritual spheres produce in the natural world, is also known to some.
The inclinations of married partners towards each other are from no other origin. They are united by unanimous and concordant spheres, and disunited by adverse and discordant spheres; for concordant spheres are delightful and grateful, whereas discordant spheres are undelightful and ungrateful.
I have been informed by the angels, who are in a clear perception of those spheres, that every part of a man, both interior and exterior, renews itself; which is effected by solutions and reparations; and that hence arises the sphere which continually issues forth. I have also been informed that this sphere encompasses a man on the back and on the breast, lightly on the back, but more densely on the breast, and that the sphere issuing from the breast conjoins itself with the respiration; and that this is the reason why two married partners, who are of different minds and discordant affections, lie in bed back to back, and, on the other hand, why those who agree in minds and affections, mutually turn towards each other.
Lastly, I have been informed, that the sphere of love, flowing from a wife who is tenderly loved, is perceived in heaven as sweetly fragrant, by far more pleasant than it is perceived in the world by a newly married man during the first days after marriage. From these considerations is manifested the truth of the assertion, that a wife is conjoined to a man by the sphere of her life flowing from the love of him. That this is the case, I have also gathered from the mouth of angels. They have declared that the prolific principles imparted from the husbands are received universally by the wives and add themselves to their life; and that thus the wives lead a life unanimous, and successively more unanimous with their husbands; and that hence is effectively produced a union of souls and a conjunction of minds.
They declared the reason of this was, because in the prolific principle of the husband is his soul, and also his mind as to its interiors, which are conjoined to the soul. But they added further, that applications and appropriations of the life of the husband with the wife are effected according to conjugial love, because love which is spiritual union, conjoins; and that this also is provided for several reasons.
From the reasons above adduced it follows as an established fact, that wives receive in themselves those things which appertain to the wisdom of their husbands, thus which are proper to the souls and minds of their husbands, and thereby from virgins make themselves wives.
The reasons from which this follows, are, 1. That the woman was created out of the man.
Boundaries and Interrelations Volume 2: Practice
That hence she has an inclination to unite, and as it were to reunite herself with the man. That by virtue of this union with her partner, and for the sake of it, the woman is born the love of the man, and becomes more and more the love of him by marriage; because in this case the love is continually employing its thoughts to conjoin the man to itself. That they are conjoined by the spheres which encompass them, and which unite themselves universally and particularly according to the quality of the conjugial love with the wives, and at the same time according to the quality of the wisdom recipient thereof with the husbands.
That they are also conjoined by appropriations of the powers of the husbands by the wives. From which reasons it is evident, that there is continually somewhat of the husband being transferred to the wife, and inscribed on her as her own. From all these considerations it follows, that the image of the husband is formed in the wife; by virtue of which image the wife perceives, sees, and is sensible of, the things which are in her husband, in herself, and thence as it were herself in him.
She perceives from communication, she sees from aspect, and she is made sensible from the touch. That there are duties proper to the husband, and others proper to the wife, needs not to be illustrated by an enumeration of them; for they are many and various: and every one that chooses to do so can arrange them numerically according to their genera and species.
The duties by which wives principally conjoin themselves with their husbands, are those which relate to the education of the children of each sex, and of the girls till they are marriageable. The wife cannot enter into the duties proper to the husband, nor on the other hand the husband into the duties proper to the wife, because they differ like wisdom and the love thereof, or like thought and the affection thereof, or like understanding and the will thereof.
In the duties proper to husbands, the primary agent is understanding, thought, and wisdom; whereas in the duties proper to wives, the primary agent is will, affection, and love; and the wife from the latter performs her duties, and the husband from the former performs his; wherefore their duties are naturally different, but still conjunctive in a successive series.
Many believe that women can perform the duties of men, if they are initiated therein at an early age, as boys are. They may indeed be initiated into the practice of such duties, but not into the judgement on which the propriety of duties interiorly depends; wherefore such women as have been initiated into the duties of men, are bound in matters of judgement to consult men, and then, if they are left to their own disposal, they select from the counsels of men that which suits their own inclination. Some also suppose that women are equally capable with men of elevating their intellectual vision, and into the same sphere of light, and of viewing things with the same depth; and they have been led into this opinion by the writings of certain learned authoresses: but these writings, when examined in the spiritual world in the presence of the authoresses, were found to be the productions, not of judgement and wisdom, but of ingenuity and wit; and what proceeds from these on account of the elegance and neatness of the style in which it is written, has the appearance of sublimity and erudition; yet only in the eyes of those who dignify all ingenuity by the name of wisdom.
In like manner men cannot enter into the duties proper to women, and perform them aright, because they are not in the affections of women, which are altogether distinct from the affections of men. This was, because, all in the spiritual world are clothed according to their affections; and the two affections, of the woman and of the man, cannot be united except as subsisting between two, and in no case as subsisting in one. It is well known in the world that the duties of the husband in some way conjoin themselves with the duties of the wife, and that the duties of the wife adjoin themselves to the duties of the husband, and that these conjunctions and adjunctions are a mutual aid, and according thereto: but the primary duties, which confederate, consociate, and gather into one the souls and lives of two married partners, relate to the common care of educating their children; in relation to which care, the duties of the husband and of the wife are distinct, and yet join themselves together.
They are distinct; for the care of suckling and nursing the infants of each sex, and also the care of instructing the girls till they become marriageable, is properly the duty of the wife; whereas the care of instructing the boys, from childhood to youth, and from youth till they become capable of governing themselves, is properly the duty of the husband: nevertheless the duties, of both the husband and the wife, are blended by means of counsel and support, and several other mutual aids.
It is also well known, that these duties, regarded in their distinction and conjunction, constitute one house. This coincides with what is contained in article VI. They become one man in proportion as conjugial love increases; and as this love in the heavens is genuine by virtue of the celestial and spiritual life of the angels, therefore two married partners are there called two, when they are regarded as husband and wife, but one, when they are regarded as angels. That this is the case, must be confirmed not from the testimony of any inhabitant of the earth, but from the testimony of the inhabitants of heaven; for there is no love truly conjugial at this day with men on earth; and moreover, men on earth are encompassed with a gross body, which deadens and absorbs the sensation that two married partners are a united man, and as it were one flesh; and besides, those in the world who love their married partners only exteriorly, and not interiorly, do not wish to hear of such a thing: they think also on the subject lasciviously under the influence of the flesh.
It is otherwise with the angels of heaven, who are principled in spiritual and celestial conjugial love, and are not encompassed with so gross a body as men on earth. From those among them who have lived for ages with their conjugial partners in heaven, I have heard it testified, that they are sensible of their being so united, the husband with the wife, and the wife with the husband, and each in the other mutually and interchangeably, as also in the flesh, although they are separate.
Conjugial Love, by Emanuel Swedenborg:
The reason why this phenomenon is so rare on earth, they have declared to be this; because the union of the souls and minds of married partners on earth is made sensible in their flesh; for the soul constitutes the inmost principles not only of the head, but also of the body: in like manner the mind, which is intermediate between the soul and the body, and which, although it appears to be in the head, is yet also actually in the whole body: and they have declared, that this is the reason why the acts, which the soul and mind intend, flow forth instantly from the body; and that hence also it is, that they themselves, after the rejection of the body in the former world, are perfect men.
Now, since the soul and the mind join themselves closely to the flesh of the body, in order that they may operate and produce their effects, it follows that the union of soul and mind with a married partner is made sensible also in the body as one flesh. As the angels made these declarations, I heard it asserted by the spirits who were present, that such subjects belong to angelic wisdom, being above ordinary apprehension; but these spirits were rational-natural, and not rational-spiritual.